


Connie Maheswaran's Steps to Coping With Your Problems

by theofiiiinch



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Childhood Trauma, Connie is sad :(, Dissociation, F/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of PTSD, Overworking, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theofiiiinch/pseuds/theofiiiinch
Summary: Step One: Watch the love of your life turn into a giant pink monsterStep Two: Ignore the intense childhood trauma you endured and pray it goes away
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Doug Maheswaran, Connie Maheswaran & Greg Universe, Connie Maheswaran & Priyanka Maheswaran, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Crystal Gems & Connie Maheswaran
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi y'all so i just wanted to put a disclaimer up before you start reading! this fic will focus on mental illness. if you do not feel comfortable reading this, or think it will trigger you, i would try to avoid reading it. stay safe and groovy

Connie didn’t think that seeing Steven turn into a giant pink monster would have much impact on her. It wasn’t the weirdest thing she’d seen in her life, after all. It was surprisingly hard for her though. As she watched Steven curl into Lion’s mane, sobbing hysterically and choking on his breath, she found herself growing uncomfortable by the scene. She was happy that Steven had finally let out the things he had been hiding, but something about seeing him cry so hard freaked her out. She just wasn’t the best at handling other people’s emotions, especially his. As she watched her friend walk up to his house, Connie found herself following the procession, even though she knew that at the moment, she wasn’t needed. Upon getting to the front door, Steven stopped and turned to her. 

“Thank you.” he whispered, enveloping her in a hug. 

“Yeah...no problem.” she muttered, letting herself be hugged but pulling away after a few seconds. “I think I’m gonna go home, okay? Will you be fine without me?”

“Yeah I think we’re good here.” Steven nodded. 

“I can drive you home, Connie.” Greg said with a smile. 

“No, no it’s okay. You need to be with Steven.” she said, forcing cheer. “I’ll take Lion. Bye Steven.” 

"Bye Connie. I'll text you." Steven said. 

"Yeah." she muttered softly, turning to her trusty Lion. 

With that, she mounted Lion and let herself be pulled into the portal. She clung to Lion’s still damp mane, letting out choked sobs as the two landed on Connie’s front lawn. Wiping tears from her eyes, she slid off of Lion’s back and proceeded to enter her house as slowly and quietly as possible, to be sure she didn’t disrupt whatever her parents were doing. Of course, that would only matter if they were home, which wasn't as often as she would have liked. 

“Connie?” Doug called from the kitchen. “Is that you?” 

“Yeah, Dad.” Connie called back. “I’m gonna go study, okay?”

“Hey kiddo,” Doug started, walking into the living room right as Connie started up the stairs, “you okay?” 

Connie nodded. “Just tired.” she reassured. 

“Get some rest.” her dad said gently. “Your mom will be home soon.” 

“Yeah, okay.” she muttered, turning around to make her way up the stairs 

________________

As Connie sat on her twin bed, an exhausting sadness overtook her. Tears stung the corners of her eyes, turning the once sharp lines of her bedroom into blurry splotches of color. She didn’t try to stay grounded, to keep herself from drifting off like she normally did, but instead let the colors of her bedroom meld into one as tears fell from her eyes. Her eyes started to defocus as she let tears drip down her face, a familiar mantra filling her head. The degrading words seemed to echo through her scull. 

“ _You aren’t good enough. You aren’t needed. Steven will call when he needs your help. Steven is the most important thing. You are worthless. You ar-_ ” 

A knock at her bedroom door dragged Connie from her thoughts, making her jump slightly. 

“Connie?” her mom called from the other side of the door. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Mom I’m good.” she responded, looking around her room to get her bearings back. 

“Do you mind if I come in?” 

“Oh, uh, yeah sure.” 

Connie watched as her mom entered the room and immediately began to look around. Her room was cluttered to say the least. Textbooks and highlighters littered the floor, dirty clothes were thrown precariously in the hamper, Post-It notes covered half of the wall by her bed, her sword was leaning in the corner by the door. She didn’t have the time or energy to properly clean her room, and Steven’s problems didn’t make it any better. When she got Steven’s literal call for help, she had abandoned all of her work and immediately rushed over to his house, leaving a pink highlighter uncapped on her biology textbook. She let out a sigh and turned to her mom, expecting to be chastised and punished for leaving her room so messy. 

“Look, Mom, Steven called and I-” she started, only to be cut off by Priyanka kissing the top of her head. 

“Connie, I know.” Priyanka said calmly. “Greg told me about what happened while I was on my way home. He also mentioned how much you helped Steven.” 

Connie’s chin dipped to her chest, as if she had started to nod but hesitated. She swallowed back tears and let out a shaky breath. 

“I’m okay, Mom.” she said, looking up at her mother with a smile. “I promise you, I’ll be alright.” 


	2. Chapter 2

Connie woke up early the next morning to her phone ringing. Letting out a soft sigh, she turned to her side table and placed a hand on the phone and brought it to her face. The call was from Steven. A groan escaped her mouth as she clicked the answer button on the screen. 

“Hello?” Connie said as she sat up, rubbing sleep from her eyes. 

“Hey, Connie, it’s Steven.” Steven said. 

“Yeah, I know.” she responded, stifling a yawn. “What’s up?” 

“Oh, I was just calling to say thanks for helping yesterday.”    
  
“Yeah don’t worry about it. Was that it?”    
  
“Actually, no. I was wondering if I could come over today? We could hang out, talk, maybe watch a movie?” 

“Oh, uh, Steven I’m actually feeling kinda sick today. Could we reschedule?” 

“Really? You don’t sound sick. What’s going o-” 

Before Steven could finish asking the question, Connie hung up. No way was she gonna put all of her baggage onto Steven after yesterday. She covered her face with a pillow and let out a scream. The sound came out muffled, which was perfect in case her parents were still home. After throwing the covers of her blankets off, Connie put her legs over the side of her bed, her feet hitting the cold hardwood floor. She let out a soft yawn and stood up, examining herself in the mirror. Her dark hair was frizzier than normal and bags had started to form under her eyes, giving off the vibe that she was exhausted. She didn’t see herself as ugly or pretty, just sort of average looking, but that didn’t matter to her really. What she lacked in attractiveness, she made up for in smarts and strength. Connie stretched her arms above her head and began making her way downstairs to get something to eat. 

________________

The house was quiet, Connie noticed as she walked down the hallway that led to the stairs. The only sound was the echoing of her bare feet on the hardwood floors. She reached the top of the stairs and found her eyes drifting to the wall. Her eyes met the pictures of a younger version of herself and she let out a wistful sigh. As she walked down the stairs, she came face to face with different pictures. Family portraits, pictures of her and Steven, and class photos stared back at her, making her feel anxious and antsy. When she looked at the pictures on the wall, Connie didn’t see herself. Instead, she saw a girl who had never truly felt pain, a girl who was simple and perfect and angelic. That wasn’t her anymore. 

“Mom? Dad?” Connie called as she reached the end of her stairs. “Are you guys still home?” 

No response. Rolling her eyes, Connie made her way to the kitchen. Of  _ course _ they weren’t home. They never were. She picked up the Post-It note that was stuck to the kitchen counter. 

“ _ Sorry for leaving before you woke up, Connie. Dad’s got a late shift and I’m probably gonna be home around 11:00. There’s food in the freezer for you to heat up. Maybe you could invite Steven over to hang out?” _ her mother’s familiar handwriting read. 

“Yeah, right.” Connie scoffed, tearing up the yellow square. “As  _ if _ I’m inviting Steven over.” 

Immediately, Connie put on a pot of coffee, a luxury she only got when her parents were away or sleeping soundly at 3:00 am when she was the only one awake. Maybe she was so upset because she was tired. That had to be the reason right? She hopped onto the kitchen counter so she could sit and swing her legs and let her mind wander. A knock at the front door startled Connie from her thoughts. 

“I’m coming!” she called as she jumped off the counter, assuming it was just the mail or something. 

She opened the door and upon seeing Steven, she immediately closed it. 

“Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.”

She felt a pang of panic go through her chest. 

“Connie? Are you okay?” Steven’s voice came from the other side of the door. “I saw you. I know you’re there!” 

“Steven, uh, I’m sorry I’m just really sick right now!” Connie called back, trying to make her voice as raspy as possible. 

“We could still hang out!” he responded. “We could, y’know, watch a movie? Talk? I actually think talking would be our best bet after yesterday.” 

“I don’t want to get you sick!”

“Connie, I can heal myself. And you, probably.” 

“Just go away, Steven!” 

“But why?” 

“Because I  _ said so _ ! I don’t want to talk to you okay?” 

“Jeez, fine. And you don’t sound very sick, by the way.” 

When she was sure Steven was gone, Connie slid down the door so that she was sitting in a heap on the floor. Curling herself into a tight ball, she let herself cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she's so sad :( help her


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for descriptions of panicked behavior/panic attack

A few days had passed since Connie’s last encounter with Steven. She’d spent them busying herself with work, ignoring his phone calls and texts, and letting her room become messier and messier as the days passed. She would stay up until 5:30 am somedays and would sleep well into the day, her parents long gone by the time she woke up. Whenever her mom questioned it, Connie just gave her a nonchalant “I’m not feeling well” or “I really have to study”. She never directly answered her family’s questions. What she noticed most was that sometimes she would be doing one thing, and in seemingly two seconds, two hours would pass. The only consistency in her life was the blue-white glow of her computer screen and the constant buzzing of her cellphone as Steven tried to reach her. It wasn’t until one day when her mom came home early, that things started to change.

________________

Connie was in her bedroom, finally trying to clean her room so she wouldn’t keep tripping on clothes and books that littered the floor. She sat on the floor, folding laundry with her earbuds in when she heard the front door close loudly. Pausing her music, Connie took out her earbuds and went to peak her head out the door.

“Hello?” she called out.

“Connie! It’s just me.” her mom responded. “Could you come down here please?”

“Uh sure?” she said, stepping out of her room and walking down the stairs.

She found her mom sitting on the loveseat in the living room, hands folded delicately in her lap.

“Please sit.” Priyanka said, gesturing to the couch.

Connie sat on the far end of the couch, curling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on her knees, looking anxiously in her mother’s direction.

“Steven called us.” Priyanka started, her eyes wandering to meet Connie’s. “He’s very worried about you.”

“I don’t know why he would b-” Connie started.

“He said you’re not answering any of his messages.” her mother stated frankly. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

“No…” she muttered.

“Well what is it then?” her mother inquired.

“It’s just…” Connie started, feeling herself getting angry and more anxious. “It’s just hard to be around him right now. And honestly? I don’t even want to be around him! He’s just-”

Connie was cut off by her own sobs. It felt like her lungs had completely closed and that she wasn’t able to breathe. She was gasping for air and sobbing hysterically and she was utterly terrified. Her mom was quick to jump into the situation to calm her down. When she was calmer and her breathing had mellowed out, her mom took a step away, but continued sitting by her.

“How often is that happening?” Priyanka asked, a new softness to her voice.

“Uh….” Connie said, thinking back to the first time it happened. “It’s happened every day since Steven corrupted?”

“Oh Connie…” Priyanka murmured, pulling her daughter into a hug. “You should’ve told us.”

“You guys don’t tend to be home very often.” Connie muttered. “Plus I didn’t want to worry you.”

“I think you should start seeing a therapist.” her mom said.

“Uh….Okay?” she responded, breaking from the now awkward hug.

“I’ll talk to your dad about it. Why don’t you go back up to your room?”

________________

So Connie trudged up to her room, feeling like she was walking through molasses. Her head was spinning and she hadn’t really gotten over whatever had happened on the couch, but that wasn’t what was bugging her. What was really bothering her was her mom saying that she needed therapy. She knew what therapy meant. Therapy meant that she was broken and would probably need to have meds in her system to make her brain work. That didn’t seem fair to her though, that her mom thought that she had to be drugged because she was a bit sadder than normal. She sat down on her bed and put her head in her hands as a familiar voice- her voice- came to her head.

“ _You’re broken. Therapy is a punishment and the therapist is going to judge you. You don’t even need therapy. You’re broken, but you’re not as broken as Steven. Steven really needs help, you’re just going through a phase. You’re not worth it._ ”

“Shut up shut up shut up shut up.” Connie muttered to herself, flinging herself back onto her bed and hitting her head on the headboard.

Just as she hit her head, Connie’s phone began ringing. She groaned and picked it up without looking at the screen.

“Steven I am not in the mood!”

“Connie?” a familiar voice came through the speaker. It was Daniel. Fuck.

“Hey Daniel!” Connie responded, faking cheer in her voice. “Sorry about that! Steven and I had a bit of a disagreement today while we were hanging out and I-”

“Connie, about that.” Daniel said. “I know you’re lying, because Steven, Patricia, and I all hung out today.”

“Oh.” Connie said, her voice going low.

“Yeah.” Daniel said shortly. “Look, we’re all really worried about you. No one has seen you all week. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Daniel!” Connie replied, bringing that fake cheer back in her voice. “I’m totally good! I’m just getting over a cold.”

“Connie, we all know that you're lying. We're not stupid. Steven said-”

“Okay bye Daniel thanks for checking in! Have a great summer!”

And with that, Connie hung up the phone, pulled the covers over her, and closed her eyes to keep out the rest of the world. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she is NOT vibing please help

**Author's Note:**

> if you like this work, you should check out my instagram and tumblr @clodrights and @clodwrites! this work was heavily inspired by instagram user @ponpasta (some of the dialogue written comes from conversations i've had with her)!


End file.
